when work takes up all the room · a mirror
You, at work
We spend most of our days at work. It is often where there is the least room left for ourselves. 10 questions to take a look, without judging yourself.
Here, a “mirror” is a short questionnaire to take stock. Kalisme is a free app for iPhone, iPad and Android, and 13 short books for taking care of yourself. Its 13 permissions are 13 simple sentences that remind you what you are allowed to do for yourself.
This mirror will not tell you how you work. It offers landmarks to see what work does to your presence. 3 minutes, at your own pace.
Your answers stay on your screen. Nothing is stored, nothing is sent.
Question 1 of 10
THE SETTING
Work takes the better part of our hours, our energy, our thoughts. In the long run, the risk:
Losing sight of yourself in it
You do not have to choose between your work and yourself: you exist before it, and after it. This mirror looks at one thing only: whether you are still present to yourself while you work.
Question 2 of 10
PERMISSION
Many people put their well-being off until later: after this project, after the promotion, once it has been “earned”. That wait:
Never ends
The 1st principle: you’re allowed to be happy without earning it, now, not at the next step up. Well-being is not the reward for work well done: it matters for its own sake, and it also helps you keep going over time.
Question 3 of 10
THE ROLE
“I’m a project manager”, “I’m a nurse”, “I’m a developer”. When the job title says everything about a person, what is missing:
The person behind the job title
The 2nd principle: you’re allowed to be like no one else. Your job is what you do, not what you are. The day it changes, you are still there. Do not let a business card decide what you are worth.
Question 4 of 10
ATTENTION
An ordinary morning at work: notifications, chat channels left open, meetings that cut an idea in half. What quietly runs out:
Your attention
The 3rd principle: you’re allowed to take your attention back. Your attention does not change the facts, it changes the place they take up in you. Protecting it is not a whim, it is regaining control of your day.
Question 5 of 10
REST
Answering a message at 11 p.m., keeping the green dot lit, never really switching off. Often, this is not dedication:
It may be the fear of not looking committed enough
The 4th principle: you’re allowed to stop before you break. Someone who never recovers does not become stronger, they wear out. If it is your workplace that expects this availability, it is your working conditions that are at issue, not your rest. When exhaustion sets in, your doctor is the right door.
Question 6 of 10
ENOUGH
Always one notch higher to reach, a doubt that stays even after a success. That voice repeating “not good enough yet”:
It often lies
The 5th principle: you’re allowed to have nothing left to prove. You are enough, now: not perfect, not finished, but enough to have value today. Feeling that you are enough does not make you lazy, it makes you free. Two cases are different. If someone keeps telling you this, it is no longer doubt: it is a way of putting you down, and it can be reported. If this voice lasts for weeks and dulls everything, it is a health signal: talk to a doctor.
Question 7 of 10
THE RIGHT DISTANCE
A colleague you like, whose work does not measure up. Another you just do not click with, but still have to respect. What helps you make sense of it:
Separating the bond from the judgment
The 8th principle: you’re allowed to love without approving of everything. The bond is one thing, judging what someone does is another: you can care about someone without endorsing their work, set a boundary without breaking the bond. The right distance, neither merging nor cutting off, is practiced at work too.
Question 8 of 10
FEAR
Staying silent in a meeting so as not to disturb, saying yes to avoid conflict, acting mainly so as not to be blamed. What is driving all this:
Fear, not meaning
The 10th principle: you’re allowed to not let fear decide. Acting from what matters rather than from what frightens you: fear makes people obey, meaning makes them move. But keeping quiet in front of a hierarchy that punishes is sometimes an accurate reading: then the problem is not your courage, it is the workplace.
Question 9 of 10
DARING
An idea kept to yourself, an application never sent, a project put off until “when I’m ready”. What holds people back most:
Fear of failing, more than lack of desire
The 12th principle: you’re allowed to try with no guarantees. Not recklessness: the right to try, and to get it wrong without punishing yourself. “I tried, it didn’t work” is a sentence you have every right to say.
Question 10 of 10
YOU
You have looked at all this from a distance: “people”, “the office”. One question is left, and it is for you: in what work would you like to feel a little more yourself?
You have just named it
None of these patterns is a fault. Seeing them is already the beginning of choosing differently. Work can become a place you inhabit again, not only a role you play. One gesture is enough to begin, tomorrow.
Kalisme asks you neither to love your work nor to run from it.
It invites you to stay present to yourself there, and to name what is out of your hands. One permission at a time, one gesture at a time.
The 13 permissions live in the app, with “Today”, which carries this mirror further in the evening.
What this mirror brings to light rarely comes from one person alone: a whole organization can produce it, and a permission granted collectively holds better than one you have to grant yourself every morning. What an organization forbids itself to do with it is written down, and we can enforce it against them.