Foundations

Where Kalisme’s ideas come from, and what research says about them.

Kalisme is a non-medical app for psychological well-being. This page sets out what it draws on, with its references and its limits.

What we do not claim. That we invented these approaches: Kalisme brings them together. Or that Kalisme itself has already been evaluated: its foundations have been studied; its own effect has not yet been.

What science says, and does not say

Studied

Mindfulness, self-compassion, positive psychology and acceptance and commitment therapy have measured effects on stress and well-being, most often small to moderate.

Inspiration

Carl Rogers, the Stoics, Aristotle: traditions of thought, not research findings. They shed light; they prove nothing.

Kalisme hypothesis

That Kalisme, by bringing these approaches together in an app, produces these effects. This has not yet been evaluated: our pilots test first whether it is adopted and found useful, not its effect.

Every reference on this page was checked on 8 October 2026 against its DOI (the permanent identifier of a scientific publication, which leads to its page on the publisher’s site) or, for a book, its ISBN. We also include the counterpoints: studies that find smaller effects than the earlier ones.

The roots

Psychological foundations

Mindfulness

What Kalisme takes from it: bringing your attention back to the present.

What research says: at work, effects on stress, distress and exhaustion, from small to large depending on what is measured (53 randomised trials, published in 56 articles, in Vonderlin et al.); stable for up to 3 months, not established beyond that; differences between studies that remain unexplained.

  • Vonderlin, R., Biermann, M., Bohus, M., Lyssenko, L. (2020). Mindfulness-based programs in the workplace: a meta-analysis of randomized controlled trials. Mindfulness, 11(7), 1579-1598. doi:10.1007/s12671-020-01328-3
  • Michaelsen, M. M., Graser, J., Onescheit, M., Tuma, M. P., Werdecker, L., Pieper, D., Esch, T. (2023). Mindfulness-based and mindfulness-informed interventions at the workplace: a systematic review and meta-regression analysis of RCTs. Mindfulness, 14(6), 1271-1304. doi:10.1007/s12671-023-02130-7
  • Bartlett, L., Martin, A., Neil, A. L., Memish, K., Otahal, P., Kilpatrick, M., Sanderson, K. (2019). A systematic review and meta-analysis of workplace mindfulness training randomized controlled trials. Journal of Occupational Health Psychology, 24(1), 108-126. doi:10.1037/ocp0000146

Acceptance and commitment therapy

What Kalisme takes from it: acting on your values, with your fears.

What research says: at work, modest effects, measured mainly among healthcare workers; the least consistent results concern precisely values and committed action.

  • Prudenzi, A., Graham, C. D., Clancy, F., Hill, D., O’Driscoll, R., Day, F., O’Connor, D. B. (2021). Group-based acceptance and commitment therapy interventions for improving general distress and work-related distress in healthcare professionals: a systematic review and meta-analysis. Journal of Affective Disorders, 295, 192-202. doi:10.1016/j.jad.2021.07.084
  • Rad, Y., Prudenzi, A., Zernerova, L., Gerson, J., Flaxman, P. E. (2025). Effects of workplace acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) programs on psychological flexibility’s subprocesses: a systematic review. Journal of Contextual Behavioral Science, 37, 100915. doi:10.1016/j.jcbs.2025.100915
  • Counterpoint: Öst, L.-G. (2014). The efficacy of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: an updated systematic review and meta-analysis. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 61, 105-121. doi:10.1016/j.brat.2014.07.018

Self-compassion

What Kalisme takes from it: treating yourself with the kindness you would offer a friend.

What research says: promising results (27 randomised trials in Ferrari et al.); at work, only 10 studies, all among people working in caring professions.

  • Ferrari, M., Hunt, C., Harrysunker, A., Abbott, M. J., Beath, A. P., Einstein, D. A. (2019). Self-compassion interventions and psychosocial outcomes: a meta-analysis of RCTs. Mindfulness, 10(8), 1455-1473. doi:10.1007/s12671-019-01134-6
  • Kotera, Y., Van Gordon, W. (2021). Effects of self-compassion training on work-related well-being: a systematic review. Frontiers in Psychology, 12, 630798. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2021.630798

Positive psychology

What Kalisme takes from it: cultivating what helps you keep going, not just repairing.

What research says: small to moderate effects, clearly smaller once small-study bias is corrected for (White et al.).

  • Bolier, L., Haverman, M., Westerhof, G. J., Riper, H., Smit, F., Bohlmeijer, E. (2013). Positive psychology interventions: a meta-analysis of randomized controlled studies. BMC Public Health, 13, 119. doi:10.1186/1471-2458-13-119
  • Carr, A., et al. (2021). Effectiveness of positive psychology interventions: a systematic review and meta-analysis. The Journal of Positive Psychology, 16(6), 749-769. doi:10.1080/17439760.2020.1818807
  • At work: Donaldson, S. I., Lee, J. Y., Donaldson, S. I. (2019). Evaluating positive psychology interventions at work: a systematic review and meta-analysis. International Journal of Applied Positive Psychology, 4(3), 113-134. doi:10.1007/s41042-019-00021-8
  • Counterpoint: White, C. A., Uttl, B., Holder, M. D. (2019). Meta-analyses of positive psychology interventions: the effects are much smaller than previously reported. PLOS ONE, 14(5), e0216588. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0216588

Inspirations

Carl Rogers

Unconditional positive regard, in the humanistic tradition. The meta-analyses concern the relationship between a therapist and the person they work with, not an app.

  • Rogers, C. R. (1957). The necessary and sufficient conditions of therapeutic personality change. Journal of Consulting Psychology, 21(2), 95-103. doi:10.1037/h0045357
  • Elliott, R., Bohart, A. C., Watson, J. C., Murphy, D. (2018). Therapist empathy and client outcome: an updated meta-analysis. Psychotherapy, 55(4), 399-410. doi:10.1037/pst0000175
  • Farber, B. A., Suzuki, J. Y., Lynch, D. A. (2018). Positive regard and psychotherapy outcome: a meta-analytic review. Psychotherapy, 55(4), 411-423. doi:10.1037/pst0000171

The Stoics

Epictetus and Marcus Aurelius: telling apart what is up to us from what is not (Epictetus, Handbook, 1). A philosophy, not a research finding.

  • Epictetus, Discourses and Selected Writings, Penguin Classics, 2008 (the Handbook, § 1, sets out the division between what is up to us and what is not). ISBN 9780140449464
  • Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Penguin Classics, 2006 (notably 6.41, 6.52, 8.47). ISBN 9780140449334

Aristotle

Happiness as a way of living, not as a sum of pleasures (Nicomachean Ethics, Book I). For him, this happiness is cultivated through virtue. Kalisme parts company with him here: it holds that happiness does not have to be earned. The psychology of well-being has taken up this distinction (Ryan and Deci).

  • Aristotle, The Nicomachean Ethics, trans. David Ross, revised by Lesley Brown, Oxford World’s Classics, Oxford University Press, 2009. ISBN 9780199213610
  • Aristotle, Nicomachean Ethics, trans. Terence Irwin, 2nd ed., Hackett Publishing, 1999. ISBN 9780872204645
  • Ryan, R. M., Deci, E. L. (2001). On happiness and human potentials: a review of research on hedonic and eudaimonic well-being. Annual Review of Psychology, 52, 141-166. doi:10.1146/annurev.psych.52.1.141

Resonances

Eckhart Tolle, Don Miguel Ruiz, Brené Brown and Marshall Rosenberg are cited in the books, as are mutual-aid groups such as Al-Anon. Their work mattered to the author, Hakan Kaynar. It does not rest on controlled trials (the work of Brené Brown, a researcher, is based on interviews), and we do not present it as a foundation.

The 13 permissions

Each permission is developed in one of Kalisme’s 13 books. None of them, as it stands, is a subject of research: each brings together studied elements, inspirations and sometimes resonances, and the combination is a Kalisme hypothesis, whose effect has not yet been evaluated.

Open a row to see each lineage, its references with their DOI, and what research does not cover.

1. You’re allowed to be happy without earning it. Studied: Positive psychology (Seligman, Fredrickson), self-compassion (Neff)Inspirations: AristotleResonances: Eckhart Tolle Kalisme hypothesis

  • Inspiration Aristotle · eudaimonia, happiness as a way of living, activity in accordance with virtue

    • Aristote, The Nicomachean Ethics, trad. David Ross, révisée par Lesley Brown, Oxford World’s Classics, Oxford University Press, 2009. ISBN 9780199213610
    • Aristote, Nicomachean Ethics, trad. Terence Irwin, 2e éd., Hackett Publishing, 1999. ISBN 9780872204645
    • Ryan, R. M., Deci, E. L. (2001). On happiness and human potentials: a review of research on hedonic and eudaimonic well-being. Annual Review of Psychology, 52, 141-166. doi:10.1146/annurev.psych.52.1.141

  • Studied Martin Seligman · positive psychology and well-being interventions

    • Seligman, M. E. P., Csikszentmihalyi, M. (2000). Positive psychology: an introduction. American Psychologist, 55(1), 5-14. doi:10.1037/0003-066X.55.1.5
    • Sin, N. L., Lyubomirsky, S. (2009). Enhancing well-being and alleviating depressive symptoms with positive psychology interventions: a practice-friendly meta-analysis. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 65(5), 467-487. doi:10.1002/jclp.20593
    • Bolier, L., Haverman, M., Westerhof, G. J., Riper, H., Smit, F., Bohlmeijer, E. (2013). Positive psychology interventions: a meta-analysis of randomized controlled studies. BMC Public Health, 13, 119. doi:10.1186/1471-2458-13-119
    • Carr, A. et al. (2021). Effectiveness of positive psychology interventions: a systematic review and meta-analysis. The Journal of Positive Psychology, 16(6), 749-769. doi:10.1080/17439760.2020.1818807
    • White, C. A., Uttl, B., Holder, M. D. (2019). Meta-analyses of positive psychology interventions: the effects are much smaller than previously reported. PLOS ONE, 14(5), e0216588. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0216588

  • Studied Barbara Fredrickson · the broaden-and-build theory of positive emotions

    • Fredrickson, B. L. (2001). The role of positive emotions in positive psychology: the broaden-and-build theory of positive emotions. American Psychologist, 56(3), 218-226. doi:10.1037/0003-066X.56.3.218
    • Fredrickson, B. L., Cohn, M. A., Coffey, K. A., Pek, J., Finkel, S. M. (2008). Open hearts build lives: positive emotions, induced through loving-kindness meditation, build consequential personal resources. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 95(5), 1045-1062. doi:10.1037/a0013262
    • Zeng, X., Chiu, C. P., Wang, R., Oei, T. P., Leung, F. Y. (2015). The effect of loving-kindness meditation on positive emotions: a meta-analytic review. Frontiers in Psychology, 6, 1693. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2015.01693
    • Brown, N. J. L., Sokal, A. D., Friedman, H. L. (2013). The complex dynamics of wishful thinking: the critical positivity ratio. American Psychologist, 68(9), 801-813. doi:10.1037/a0032850
    • Fredrickson, B. L. (2013). Updated thinking on positivity ratios. American Psychologist, 68(9), 814-822. doi:10.1037/a0033584
    • Correction to Fredrickson and Losada (2005), “Positive affect and the complex dynamics of human flourishing”. American Psychologist, 68(9), 822 (2013). doi:10.1037/a0034435
    • Brown, N. J. L., MacDonald, D. A., Samanta, M. P., Friedman, H. L., Coyne, J. C. (2014). A critical reanalysis of the relationship between genomics and well-being. PNAS, 111(35), 12705-12709. doi:10.1073/pnas.1407057111
    • Brown, N. J. L. et al. (2016). More questions than answers: continued critical reanalysis of Fredrickson et al.’s studies of genomics and well-being. PLOS ONE, 11(6), e0156415. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0156415
    • Kok, B. E. et al. (2013). How positive emotions build physical health: perceived positive social connections account for the upward spiral between positive emotions and vagal tone. Psychological Science, 24(7), 1123-1132. doi:10.1177/0956797612470827
    • Heathers, J. A. J., Brown, N. J. L., Coyne, J. C., Friedman, H. L. (2015). The elusory upward spiral: a reanalysis of Kok et al. (2013). Psychological Science, 26(7), 1140-1143. doi:10.1177/0956797615572908

  • Resonance Eckhart Tolle · presence in the present moment

    • Tolle, E., The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment, Namaste / New World Library, éd. 2004 (original 1997). ISBN 9781577314806
    • Killingsworth, M. A., Gilbert, D. T. (2010). A wandering mind is an unhappy mind. Science, 330(6006), 932. doi:10.1126/science.1192439
    • Goyal, M. et al. (2014). Meditation programs for psychological stress and well-being: a systematic review and meta-analysis. JAMA Internal Medicine, 174(3), 357-368. doi:10.1001/jamainternmed.2013.13018
    • Van Dam, N. T. et al. (2018). Mind the hype: a critical evaluation and prescriptive agenda for research on mindfulness and meditation. Perspectives on Psychological Science, 13(1), 36-61. doi:10.1177/1745691617709589

  • Studied Kristin Neff · self-compassion: kindness towards yourself in the face of failure and suffering

    • Neff, K. D. (2003). Self-compassion: an alternative conceptualization of a healthy attitude toward oneself. Self and Identity, 2(2), 85-101. doi:10.1080/15298860309032
    • Neff, K. D. (2003). The development and validation of a scale to measure self-compassion. Self and Identity, 2(3), 223-250. doi:10.1080/15298860309027
    • Neff, K. D., Vonk, R. (2009). Self-compassion versus global self-esteem: two different ways of relating to oneself. Journal of Personality, 77(1), 23-50. doi:10.1111/j.1467-6494.2008.00537.x
    • Neff, K. D. (2011). Self-compassion, self-esteem, and well-being. Social and Personality Psychology Compass, 5(1), 1-12. doi:10.1111/j.1751-9004.2010.00330.x
    • Zessin, U., Dickhäuser, O., Garbade, S. (2015). The relationship between self-compassion and well-being: a meta-analysis. Applied Psychology: Health and Well-Being, 7(3), 340-364. doi:10.1111/aphw.12051
    • Ferrari, M., Hunt, C., Harrysunker, A., Abbott, M. J., Beath, A. P., Einstein, D. A. (2019). Self-compassion interventions and psychosocial outcomes: a meta-analysis of RCTs. Mindfulness, 10(8), 1455-1473. doi:10.1007/s12671-019-01134-6
    • MacBeth, A., Gumley, A. (2012). Exploring compassion: a meta-analysis of the association between self-compassion and psychopathology. Clinical Psychology Review, 32(6), 545-552. doi:10.1016/j.cpr.2012.06.003
    • Muris, P., Petrocchi, N. (2017). Protection or vulnerability? A meta-analysis of the relations between the positive and negative components of self-compassion and psychopathology. Clinical Psychology and Psychotherapy, 24(2), 373-383. doi:10.1002/cpp.2005
    • Neff, K. D. (2011). Self-Compassion: Stop Beating Yourself Up and Leave Insecurity Behind. William Morrow. ISBN 9780061733512

What research does not cover

No research cited tests the central idea: does giving yourself permission to be happy, with no condition of merit, increase well-being? The unconditional dignity that “is acknowledged” is a philosophical thesis, not evaluated. That micro-moments of joy build deep resources rests on one central trial (139 people) and on work that has been critically reanalysed. The meta-analysis on loving-kindness meditation covers only the first link (more positive emotions), not the building of resources. The link between presence in Tolle’s sense and unconditional happiness has not been tested as such: research on mindfulness measures something else, with modest effects. The link between self-compassion and well-being is mostly correlational.

2. You’re allowed to be like no one else. Studied: Social comparison (Festinger), social media and self-imageResonances: Brené Brown Kalisme hypothesis

  • Studied Leon Festinger · social comparison theory

    • Festinger, L. (1954). A theory of social comparison processes. Human Relations, 7(2), 117-140. doi:10.1177/001872675400700202
    • Gerber, J. P., Wheeler, L., & Suls, J. (2018). A social comparison theory meta-analysis 60+ years on. Psychological Bulletin, 144(2), 177-197. doi:10.1037/bul0000127

  • Studied Social media research · online comparison and self-image

    • McComb, C. A., Vanman, E. J., & Tobin, S. J. (2023). A meta-analysis of the effects of social media exposure to upward comparison targets on self-evaluations and emotions. Media Psychology, 26(5), 612-635. doi:10.1080/15213269.2023.2180647
    • Saiphoo, A. N., Dahoah Halevi, L., & Vahedi, Z. (2020). Social networking site use and self-esteem: A meta-analytic review. Personality and Individual Differences, 153, 109639. doi:10.1016/j.paid.2019.109639
    • Appel, M., Marker, C., & Gnambs, T. (2020). Are social media ruining our lives? A review of meta-analytic evidence. Review of General Psychology, 24(1), 60-74. doi:10.1177/1089268019880891
    • Valkenburg, P. M., Meier, A., & Beyens, I. (2022). Social media use and its impact on adolescent mental health: An umbrella review of the evidence. Current Opinion in Psychology, 44, 58-68. doi:10.1016/j.copsyc.2021.08.017
    • Orben, A., & Przybylski, A. K. (2019). The association between adolescent well-being and digital technology use. Nature Human Behaviour, 3(2), 173-182. doi:10.1038/s41562-018-0506-1
    • Vogel, E. A., Rose, J. P., Roberts, L. R., & Eckles, K. (2014). Social comparison, social media, and self-esteem. Psychology of Popular Media Culture, 3(4), 206-222. doi:10.1037/ppm0000047
    • Verduyn, P., Gugushvili, N., Massar, K., Täht, K., & Kross, E. (2020). Social comparison on social networking sites. Current Opinion in Psychology, 36, 32-37. doi:10.1016/j.copsyc.2020.04.002
    • Holland, G., & Tiggemann, M. (2016). A systematic review of the impact of the use of social networking sites on body image and disordered eating outcomes. Body Image, 17, 100-110. doi:10.1016/j.bodyim.2016.02.008

  • Resonance Brené Brown · authenticity and vulnerability

    • Brown, B. (2010). The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are. Center City, MN: Hazelden. ISBN 9781592858491
    • Brown, B. (2012). Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead. New York: Gotham Books. ISBN 9781592407330
    • Brown, B. (2006). Shame resilience theory: A grounded theory study on women and shame. Families in Society, 87(1), 43-52. doi:10.1606/1044-3894.3483
    • Sutton, A. (2020). Living the good life: A meta-analysis of authenticity, well-being and engagement. Personality and Individual Differences, 153, 109645. doi:10.1016/j.paid.2019.109645

What research does not cover

It does not cover the heart of the permission: that breaking away from role models and owning your uniqueness is possible, lasting and beneficial. Research on authenticity measures being true to yourself, not standing apart from others; it is correlational, with a link that varies across cultures. Research on social media shows real but modest comparison effects, established mainly in the short term and in the laboratory; how long they last and how much they weigh in daily life remain poorly understood. No study tests the shift from “I compare myself” to “I stop comparing myself”.

3. You’re allowed to take your attention back. Studied: The cost of task switching, mindfulness, gratitudeInspirations: William James, Herbert Simon Kalisme hypothesis

  • Inspiration William James · attention as the selection of what becomes our experience

    No reference kept on this page: a classic text, or a document with neither DOI nor ISBN.

  • Inspiration Herbert Simon · a wealth of information creates a poverty of attention

    • Simon, H. A. (1971). Designing organizations for an information-rich world. Dans M. Greenberger (dir.), Computers, Communications, and the Public Interest (p. 37-72). Baltimore: Johns Hopkins Press. ISBN 080181135X

  • Studied Cognitive research on task switching · the cost of task switching and multitasking

    • Koch, I., Poljac, E., Müller, H., et Kiesel, A. (2018). Cognitive structure, flexibility, and plasticity in human multitasking: An integrative review of dual-task and task-switching research. Psychological Bulletin, 144(6), 557-583. doi:10.1037/bul0000144
    • Kiesel, A., Steinhauser, M., Wendt, M., et al. (2010). Control and interference in task switching, a review. Psychological Bulletin, 136(5), 849-874. doi:10.1037/a0019842
    • Monsell, S. (2003). Task switching. Trends in Cognitive Sciences, 7(3), 134-140. doi:10.1016/S1364-6613(03)00028-7
    • Rubinstein, J. S., Meyer, D. E., et Evans, J. E. (2001). Executive control of cognitive processes in task switching. Journal of Experimental Psychology: Human Perception and Performance, 27(4), 763-797. doi:10.1037/0096-1523.27.4.763
    • Pashler, H. (1994). Dual-task interference in simple tasks: Data and theory. Psychological Bulletin, 116(2), 220-244. doi:10.1037/0033-2909.116.2.220
    • Schumacher, E. H., et al. (2001). Virtually perfect time sharing in dual-task performance: Uncorking the central cognitive bottleneck. Psychological Science, 12(2), 101-108. doi:10.1111/1467-9280.00318
    • Watson, J. M., et Strayer, D. L. (2010). Supertaskers: Profiles in extraordinary multitasking ability. Psychonomic Bulletin & Review, 17(4), 479-485. doi:10.3758/PBR.17.4.479
    • Wiradhany, W., et Nieuwenstein, M. R. (2017). Cognitive control in media multitaskers: Two replication studies and a meta-analysis. Attention, Perception, & Psychophysics, 79(8), 2620-2641. doi:10.3758/s13414-017-1408-4
    • Uncapher, M. R., et Wagner, A. D. (2018). Minds and brains of media multitaskers: Current findings and future directions. PNAS, 115(40), 9889-9896. doi:10.1073/pnas.1611612115
    • Ophir, E., Nass, C., et Wagner, A. D. (2009). Cognitive control in media multitaskers. PNAS, 106(37), 15583-15587. doi:10.1073/pnas.0903620106

  • Studied Jon Kabat-Zinn (MBSR) · mindfulness as attention training

    • Kabat-Zinn, J. (1982). An outpatient program in behavioral medicine for chronic pain patients based on the practice of mindfulness meditation: Theoretical considerations and preliminary results. General Hospital Psychiatry, 4(1), 33-47. doi:10.1016/0163-8343(82)90026-3
    • Kabat-Zinn, J. (1990). Full Catastrophe Living. New York: Delacorte Press. ISBN 0385298978
    • Cásedas, L., Pirruccio, V., Vadillo, M. A., et Lupiáñez, J. (2020). Does mindfulness meditation training enhance executive control? A systematic review and meta-analysis of randomized controlled trials in adults. Mindfulness, 11(2), 411-424. doi:10.1007/s12671-019-01279-4
    • Sumantry, D., et Stewart, K. E. (2021). Meditation, mindfulness, and attention: a meta-analysis. Mindfulness, 12(6), 1332-1349. doi:10.1007/s12671-021-01593-w
    • Goyal, M., Singh, S., Sibinga, E. M., et al. (2014). Meditation programs for psychological stress and well-being: a systematic review and meta-analysis. JAMA Internal Medicine, 174(3), 357-368. doi:10.1001/jamainternmed.2013.13018
    • Chiesa, A., Calati, R., et Serretti, A. (2011). Does mindfulness training improve cognitive abilities? A systematic review of neuropsychological findings. Clinical Psychology Review, 31(3), 449-464. doi:10.1016/j.cpr.2010.11.003
    • Van Dam, N. T., van Vugt, M. K., Vago, D. R., et al. (2018). Mind the hype: A critical evaluation and prescriptive agenda for research on mindfulness and meditation. Perspectives on Psychological Science, 13(1), 36-61. doi:10.1177/1745691617709589

  • Studied Gratitude interventions (Emmons, Seligman) · gratitude exercises in positive psychology

    • Davis, D. E., Choe, E., Meyers, J., et al. (2016). Thankful for the little things: A meta-analysis of gratitude interventions. Journal of Counseling Psychology, 63(1), 20-31. doi:10.1037/cou0000107
    • Cregg, D. R., et Cheavens, J. S. (2021). Gratitude interventions: Effective self-help? A meta-analysis of the impact on symptoms of depression and anxiety. Journal of Happiness Studies, 22(1), 413-445. doi:10.1007/s10902-020-00236-6
    • Mongrain, M., et Anselmo-Matthews, T. (2012). Do positive psychology exercises work? A replication of Seligman et al. (2005). Journal of Clinical Psychology, 68(4), 382-389. doi:10.1002/jclp.21839
    • Seligman, M. E. P., Steen, T. A., Park, N., et Peterson, C. (2005). Positive psychology progress: Empirical validation of interventions. American Psychologist, 60(5), 410-421. doi:10.1037/0003-066X.60.5.410
    • Emmons, R. A., et McCullough, M. E. (2003). Counting blessings versus burdens: An experimental investigation of gratitude and subjective well-being in daily life. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 84(2), 377-389. doi:10.1037/0022-3514.84.2.377
    • Wood, A. M., Froh, J. J., et Geraghty, A. W. A. (2010). Gratitude and well-being: A review and theoretical integration. Clinical Psychology Review, 30(7), 890-905. doi:10.1016/j.cpr.2010.03.005
    • Dickens, L. R. (2017). Using gratitude to promote positive change: A series of meta-analyses investigating the effectiveness of gratitude interventions. Basic and Applied Social Psychology, 39(4), 193-208. doi:10.1080/01973533.2017.1323638

What research does not cover

None of the studies cited tests whether “taking your attention back” is a move you choose and sustain in ordinary life. The cost of multitasking is measured on laboratory tasks, and training reduces it in some people. The effects of mindfulness on attention exist but are small and heterogeneous, and they are weaker against an active control group. Nothing shows that gratitude works by directing attention: that is the book’s reading. The link between heavy media use and distractibility is weak or has not been replicated. Lasting effects outside the laboratory are not established.

4. You’re allowed to stop before you break. Studied: Burnout (Maslach), sleep, the default mode networkInspirations: Contemplative traditions Kalisme hypothesis

  • Studied Christina Maslach · burnout, a work-related syndrome, and its organisational causes

    • Maslach C., Schaufeli W. B., Leiter M. P., 2001, Job burnout, Annual Review of Psychology, 52, 397-422. doi:10.1146/annurev.psych.52.1.397
    • Maslach C., Jackson S. E., 1981, The measurement of experienced burnout, Journal of Organizational Behavior, 2(2), 99-113. doi:10.1002/job.4030020205
    • Maslach C., Leiter M. P., 2016, Understanding the burnout experience: recent research and its implications for psychiatry, World Psychiatry, 15(2), 103-111. doi:10.1002/wps.20311
    • Maslach C., Leiter M. P., 1997, The Truth About Burnout: How Organizations Cause Personal Stress and What to Do About It, Jossey-Bass. ISBN 0787908746
    • Bianchi R., Schonfeld I. S., Laurent E., 2015, Burnout-depression overlap: A review, Clinical Psychology Review, 36, 28-41. doi:10.1016/j.cpr.2015.01.004
    • Meier S. T., Kim S., 2022, Meta-regression analyses of relationships between burnout and depression with sampling and measurement methodological moderators, Journal of Occupational Health Psychology, 27(2), 195-206. doi:10.1037/ocp0000273

  • Studied Sleep science, including Matthew Walker · the function of sleep, the effects of sleep deprivation

    • Watson N. F. et al., 2015, Recommended Amount of Sleep for a Healthy Adult: A Joint Consensus Statement of the American Academy of Sleep Medicine and Sleep Research Society, SLEEP, 38(6), 843-844. doi:10.5665/sleep.4716
    • Hirshkowitz M. et al., 2015, National Sleep Foundation’s sleep time duration recommendations: methodology and results summary, Sleep Health, 1(1), 40-43. doi:10.1016/j.sleh.2014.12.010
    • Walker M. P., Stickgold R., 2006, Sleep, Memory, and Plasticity, Annual Review of Psychology, 57, 139-166. doi:10.1146/annurev.psych.56.091103.070307
    • Walker M., 2017, Why We Sleep: Unlocking the Power of Sleep and Dreams, Scribner. ISBN 9781501144318
    • Yetish G. et al., 2015, Natural Sleep and Its Seasonal Variations in Three Pre-industrial Societies, Current Biology, 25(21), 2862-2868. doi:10.1016/j.cub.2015.09.046

  • Studied The default mode network (Raichle, Buckner) · brain activity at rest, mind-wandering, incubation

    • Raichle M. E. et al., 2001, A default mode of brain function, Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 98(2), 676-682. doi:10.1073/pnas.98.2.676
    • Buckner R. L., Andrews-Hanna J. R., Schacter D. L., 2008, The Brain’s Default Network: Anatomy, Function, and Relevance to Disease, Annals of the New York Academy of Sciences, 1124, 1-38. doi:10.1196/annals.1440.011
    • Smallwood J., Schooler J. W., 2015, The Science of Mind Wandering: Empirically Navigating the Stream of Consciousness, Annual Review of Psychology, 66, 487-518. doi:10.1146/annurev-psych-010814-015331
    • Sio U. N., Ormerod T. C., 2009, Does incubation enhance problem solving? A meta-analytic review, Psychological Bulletin, 135(1), 94-120. doi:10.1037/a0014212
    • Baird B. et al., 2012, Inspired by Distraction: Mind Wandering Facilitates Creative Incubation, Psychological Science, 23(10), 1117-1122. doi:10.1177/0956797612446024
    • Murray S., Liang N., Brosowsky N., Seli P., 2024, What Are the Benefits of Mind Wandering to Creativity?, Psychology of Aesthetics, Creativity, and the Arts, 18(3), 403-416. doi:10.1037/aca0000420
    • Steindorf L., Hammerton H. A., Rummel J., 2021, Mind wandering outside the box: About the role of off-task thoughts and their assessment during creative incubation, Psychology of Aesthetics, Creativity, and the Arts, 15(4), 584-595. doi:10.1037/aca0000373
    • Beaty R. E. et al., 2018, Robust prediction of individual creative ability from brain functional connectivity, Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 115(5), 1087-1092. doi:10.1073/pnas.1713532115
    • Killingsworth M. A., Gilbert D. T., 2010, A Wandering Mind Is an Unhappy Mind, Science, 330(6006), 932. doi:10.1126/science.1192439

  • Inspiration Contemplative traditions · slowness and mindfulness

    • Goyal M. et al., 2014, Meditation Programs for Psychological Stress and Well-being: A Systematic Review and Meta-analysis, JAMA Internal Medicine, 174(3), 357-368. doi:10.1001/jamainternmed.2013.13018
    • Van Dam N. T. et al., 2018 (en ligne 2017), Mind the Hype: A Critical Evaluation and Prescriptive Agenda for Research on Mindfulness and Meditation, Perspectives on Psychological Science, 13(1), 36-61. doi:10.1177/1745691617709589

What research does not cover

No study tests the overall thesis: that a re-education in slowness, “creative emptiness” and protected sleep, taken together, prevent exhaustion. Maslach and Leiter (2016) themselves note how scarce evaluative research is on interventions that treat or prevent burnout: “stopping before you break” is therefore not an established finding. Maslach describes burnout and its organisational causes; she does not study the cultural glorification of exhaustion. Research on the default mode network describes brain activity at rest; it does not show that inaction produces creativity, and incubation studies tend to favour an easy task over rest. Research on mindfulness concerns structured programmes, not everyday slowness. The pages on sabotaged sleep (precise mechanisms, Walker’s figures) are not covered by the reviews used here.

5. You’re allowed to have nothing left to prove. Studied: Self-compassion (Neff), perfectionismInspirations: Carl Rogers Kalisme hypothesis

  • Studied Kristin Neff · self-compassion

    • Neff, K. D. (2003). Self-compassion: An alternative conceptualization of a healthy attitude toward oneself. Self and Identity, 2(2), 85-101. doi:10.1080/15298860309032
    • Neff, K. D. (2003). The development and validation of a scale to measure self-compassion. Self and Identity, 2(3), 223-250. doi:10.1080/15298860309027
    • MacBeth, A., & Gumley, A. (2012). Exploring compassion: A meta-analysis of the association between self-compassion and psychopathology. Clinical Psychology Review, 32(6), 545-552. doi:10.1016/j.cpr.2012.06.003
    • Zessin, U., Dickhäuser, O., & Garbade, S. (2015). The relationship between self-compassion and well-being: A meta-analysis. Applied Psychology: Health and Well-Being, 7(3), 340-364. doi:10.1111/aphw.12051
    • Ferrari, M., Hunt, C., Harrysunker, A., Abbott, M. J., Beath, A. P., & Einstein, D. A. (2019). Self-compassion interventions and psychosocial outcomes: A meta-analysis of RCTs. Mindfulness, 10(8), 1455-1473. doi:10.1007/s12671-019-01134-6
    • Neff, K. D., & Vonk, R. (2009). Self-compassion versus global self-esteem: Two different ways of relating to oneself. Journal of Personality, 77(1), 23-50. doi:10.1111/j.1467-6494.2008.00537.x
    • Crocker, J., & Wolfe, C. T. (2001). Contingencies of self-worth. Psychological Review, 108(3), 593-623. doi:10.1037/0033-295X.108.3.593
    • Crocker, J., & Park, L. E. (2004). The costly pursuit of self-esteem. Psychological Bulletin, 130(3), 392-414. doi:10.1037/0033-2909.130.3.392
    • Neff, K. D. (2023). Self-compassion: Theory, method, research, and intervention. Annual Review of Psychology, 74, 193-218. doi:10.1146/annurev-psych-032420-031047
    • Muris, P., & Petrocchi, N. (2017). Protection or vulnerability? A meta-analysis of the relations between the positive and negative components of self-compassion and psychopathology. Clinical Psychology & Psychotherapy, 24(2), 373-383. doi:10.1002/cpp.2005
    • Muris, P., & Otgaar, H. (2020). The process of science: A critical evaluation of more than 15 years of research on self-compassion with the Self-Compassion Scale. Mindfulness, 11, 1469-1482. doi:10.1007/s12671-020-01363-0

  • Inspiration Carl Rogers, extended by self-determination theory (Assor, Roth, Deci) · unconditional positive regard and conditions of worth

    • Rogers, C. R. (1957). The necessary and sufficient conditions of therapeutic personality change. Journal of Consulting Psychology, 21(2), 95-103. doi:10.1037/h0045357
    • Rogers, C. R. (1961). On Becoming a Person: A Therapist’s View of Psychotherapy. Boston: Houghton Mifflin (réédition 1995). ISBN 9780395755310
    • Farber, B. A., Suzuki, J. Y., & Lynch, D. A. (2018). Positive regard and psychotherapy outcome: A meta-analytic review. Psychotherapy, 55(4), 411-423. doi:10.1037/pst0000171
    • Assor, A., Roth, G., & Deci, E. L. (2004). The emotional costs of parents’ conditional regard: A self-determination theory analysis. Journal of Personality, 72(1), 47-88. doi:10.1111/j.0022-3506.2004.00256.x
    • Roth, G., Assor, A., Niemiec, C. P., Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (2009). The emotional and academic consequences of parental conditional regard: Comparing conditional positive regard, conditional negative regard, and autonomy support as parenting practices. Developmental Psychology, 45(4), 1119-1142. doi:10.1037/a0015272

  • Studied Research on perfectionism (Hewitt and Flett, Stoeber, Hill and Curran, and others) · perfectionism, shame and exhaustion

    • Hewitt, P. L., & Flett, G. L. (1991). Perfectionism in the self and social contexts: Conceptualization, assessment, and association with psychopathology. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 60(3), 456-470. doi:10.1037/0022-3514.60.3.456
    • Hewitt, P. L., Flett, G. L., Sherry, S. B., Habke, M., Parkin, M., Lam, R. W., McMurtry, B., Ediger, E., Fairlie, P., & Stein, M. B. (2003). The interpersonal expression of perfection: Perfectionistic self-presentation and psychological distress. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 84(6), 1303-1325. doi:10.1037/0022-3514.84.6.1303
    • Stoeber, J., & Otto, K. (2006). Positive conceptions of perfectionism: Approaches, evidence, challenges. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 10(4), 295-319. doi:10.1207/s15327957pspr1004_2
    • Hill, A. P., & Curran, T. (2016). Multidimensional perfectionism and burnout: A meta-analysis. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 20(3), 269-288. doi:10.1177/1088868315596286
    • Limburg, K., Watson, H. J., Hagger, M. S., & Egan, S. J. (2017). The relationship between perfectionism and psychopathology: A meta-analysis. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 73(10), 1301-1326. doi:10.1002/jclp.22435
    • Harari, D., Swider, B. W., Steed, L. B., & Breidenthal, A. P. (2018). Is perfect good? A meta-analysis of perfectionism in the workplace. Journal of Applied Psychology, 103(10), 1121-1144. doi:10.1037/apl0000324
    • Bellam, A., & Curran, T. (2025). Perfectionism and work performance: A meta-analysis. Journal of Occupational and Organizational Psychology, 98(3). doi:10.1111/joop.70050
    • Fedewa, B. A., Burns, L. R., & Gomez, A. A. (2005). Positive and negative perfectionism and the shame/guilt distinction: Adaptive and maladaptive characteristics. Personality and Individual Differences, 38(7), 1609-1619. doi:10.1016/j.paid.2004.09.026
    • Stoeber, J., Harris, R. A., & Moon, P. S. (2007). Perfectionism and the experience of pride, shame, and guilt: Comparing healthy perfectionists, unhealthy perfectionists, and non-perfectionists. Personality and Individual Differences, 43(1), 131-141. doi:10.1016/j.paid.2006.11.012
    • Tangney, J. P. (2002). Perfectionism and the self-conscious emotions: Shame, guilt, embarrassment, and pride. In G. L. Flett & P. L. Hewitt (dir.), Perfectionism: Theory, research, and treatment (p. 199-215). American Psychological Association. doi:10.1037/10458-008

What research does not cover

No study shows that perfectionism is a strategy for avoiding shame: the published links are correlations, and they hold only for perfectionistic concerns. Perfectionistic strivings, by contrast, go with more pride, less shame and a small gain in performance. The book’s chain (a child loved conditionally, an adult endlessly proving themselves, perfectionism, shame, then self-compassion that repairs) has not been tested as a whole. Studies on conditional regard rely on the memories and self-reports of students and adolescents. Finally, self-compassion goes with a steadier sense of worth than self-esteem does (Neff and Vonk, 2009), which is not the same as showing that contingent self-esteem collapses.

6. You’re allowed to choose who you keep close. Studied: Coercive relationships, acceptance and commitment therapyInspirations: SchopenhauerResonances: Marshall B. Rosenberg Kalisme hypothesis

  • Studied Research on coercive relationships and psychological abuse · the markers of psychological abuse: denigration, belittling, domination, isolation

    • Tolman, R. M. (1989). The development of a measure of psychological maltreatment of women by their male partners. Violence and Victims, 4(3), 159-177. doi:10.1891/0886-6708.4.3.159
    • Dokkedahl, S. B., Kirubakaran, R., Bech-Hansen, D., Kristensen, T. R., Elklit, A. (2022). The psychological subtype of intimate partner violence and its effect on mental health: a systematic review with meta-analyses. Systematic Reviews, 11, 163. doi:10.1186/s13643-022-02025-z
    • Stark, E. (2007). Coercive Control: How Men Entrap Women in Personal Life. Oxford University Press. doi:10.1093/oso/9780195154276.001.0001
    • Dutton, M. A., Goodman, L. A. (2005). Coercion in intimate partner violence: toward a new conceptualization. Sex Roles, 52, 743-756. doi:10.1007/s11199-005-4196-6
    • Hirigoyen, M.-F. (1998). Le harcèlement moral: la violence perverse au quotidien. Syros. ISBN 2841465993

  • Resonance Marshall B. Rosenberg · nonviolent communication

    • Rosenberg, M. B. (2003). Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life (2nd ed.). PuddleDancer Press. ISBN 9781892005038
    • Wacker, R., Dziobek, I. (2018). Preventing empathic distress and social stressors at work through nonviolent communication training: a field study with health professionals. Journal of Occupational Health Psychology, 23(1), 141-150. doi:10.1037/ocp0000058
    • Museux, A.-C., Dumont, S., Careau, E., Milot, E. (2016). Improving interprofessional collaboration: the effect of training in nonviolent communication. Social Work in Health Care, 55(6), 427-439. doi:10.1080/00981389.2016.1164270
    • Adriani, P. A., Hino, P., Taminato, M., Okuno, M. F. P., Santos, O. V., Fernandes, H. (2024). Non-violent communication as a technology in interpersonal relationships in health work: a scoping review. BMC Health Services Research, 24, 289. doi:10.1186/s12913-024-10753-2

  • Studied Acceptance and commitment therapy (Steven C. Hayes) · committed action, in line with your values

    • Hayes, S. C., Luoma, J. B., Bond, F. W., Masuda, A., Lillis, J. (2006). Acceptance and commitment therapy: model, processes and outcomes. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 44(1), 1-25. doi:10.1016/j.brat.2005.06.006
    • Hayes, S. C., Strosahl, K. D., Wilson, K. G. (1999). Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: An Experiential Approach to Behavior Change. Guilford Press. ISBN 9781572304819
    • A-Tjak, J. G. L., Davis, M. L., Morina, N., Powers, M. B., Smits, J. A. J., Emmelkamp, P. M. G. (2015). A meta-analysis of the efficacy of acceptance and commitment therapy for clinically relevant mental and physical health problems. Psychotherapy and Psychosomatics, 84(1), 30-36. doi:10.1159/000365764
    • Gloster, A. T., Walder, N., Levin, M. E., Twohig, M. P., Karekla, M. (2020). The empirical status of acceptance and commitment therapy: a review of meta-analyses. Journal of Contextual Behavioral Science, 18, 181-192. doi:10.1016/j.jcbs.2020.09.009
    • Öst, L.-G. (2014). The efficacy of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: an updated systematic review and meta-analysis. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 61, 105-121. doi:10.1016/j.brat.2014.07.018
    • Atkins, P. W. B., Ciarrochi, J., Gaudiano, B. A., et al. (2017). Departing from the essential features of a high quality systematic review of psychotherapy: a response to Öst (2014) and recommendations for improvement. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 97, 259-272. doi:10.1016/j.brat.2017.05.016

  • Inspiration Arthur Schopenhauer · the parable of the porcupines and the right distance

    No reference kept on this page: a classic text, or a document with neither DOI nor ISBN.

What research does not cover

No study found tests the book’s own criterion, the distinction between a relationship that tires you and one that harms you. Nor does any study test setting a boundary as an intervention, whether in nonviolent communication or in acceptance and commitment therapy. The literature on psychological abuse concerns abusive relationships, measured with scales designed for intimate partner violence: it does not validate a sorting tool for ordinary relationships. Nonviolent communication has only a few small studies, almost all in healthcare settings. “Toxicity” is not an established clinical construct. Schopenhauer’s parable is not a subject of research.

7. You’re allowed to set down what you’re carrying. Studied: Forgiveness (Worthington), rumination (Nolen-Hoeksema), trauma (van der Kolk, EMDR) Kalisme hypothesis

  • Studied Everett L. Worthington Jr. · the psychology of forgiveness

    • Exline, J. J., Worthington, E. L. Jr., Hill, P., McCullough, M. E. (2003). Forgiveness and justice: a research agenda for social and personality psychology. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 7(4), 337-348. doi:10.1207/S15327957PSPR0704_06
    • Worthington, E. L. Jr., Witvliet, C. V. O., Pietrini, P., Miller, A. J. (2007). Forgiveness, health, and well-being: a review of evidence for emotional versus decisional forgiveness, dispositional forgivingness, and reduced unforgiveness. Journal of Behavioral Medicine, 30(4), 291-302. doi:10.1007/s10865-007-9105-8
    • Wade, N. G., Hoyt, W. T., Kidwell, J. E. M., Worthington, E. L. Jr. (2014). Efficacy of psychotherapeutic interventions to promote forgiveness: a meta-analysis. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 82(1), 154-170. doi:10.1037/a0035268
    • Akhtar, S., Barlow, J. (2018). Forgiveness therapy for the promotion of mental well-being: a systematic review and meta-analysis. Trauma, Violence, & Abuse, 19(1), 107-122. doi:10.1177/1524838016637079
    • Worthington, E. L. Jr. (2006). Forgiveness and Reconciliation: Theory and Application. Routledge. ISBN 9781583913338

  • Studied Susan Nolen-Hoeksema · rumination

    • Nolen-Hoeksema, S. (1991). Responses to depression and their effects on the duration of depressive episodes. Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 100(4), 569-582. doi:10.1037/0021-843X.100.4.569
    • Nolen-Hoeksema, S., Wisco, B. E., Lyubomirsky, S. (2008). Rethinking rumination. Perspectives on Psychological Science, 3(5), 400-424. doi:10.1111/j.1745-6924.2008.00088.x
    • Lyubomirsky, S., Nolen-Hoeksema, S. (1995). Effects of self-focused rumination on negative thinking and interpersonal problem solving. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 69(1), 176-190. doi:10.1037/0022-3514.69.1.176
    • Lyubomirsky, S., Tucker, K. L., Caldwell, N. D., Berg, K. (1999). Why ruminators are poor problem solvers: clues from the phenomenology of dysphoric rumination. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 77(5), 1041-1060. doi:10.1037/0022-3514.77.5.1041
    • Watkins, E. R. (2008). Constructive and unconstructive repetitive thought. Psychological Bulletin, 134(2), 163-206. doi:10.1037/0033-2909.134.2.163
    • Aldao, A., Nolen-Hoeksema, S., Schweizer, S. (2010). Emotion-regulation strategies across psychopathology: a meta-analytic review. Clinical Psychology Review, 30(2), 217-237. doi:10.1016/j.cpr.2009.11.004

  • Studied Bessel van der Kolk · trauma and the body, a contested thesis

    • van der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. Viking. ISBN 9780670785933
    • van der Kolk, B. A., Spinazzola, J., Blaustein, M. E., et al. (2007). A randomized clinical trial of eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR), fluoxetine, and pill placebo in the treatment of posttraumatic stress disorder: treatment effects and long-term maintenance. Journal of Clinical Psychiatry, 68(1), 37-46. doi:10.4088/jcp.v68n0105
    • van der Kolk, B. A., Stone, L., West, J., et al. (2014). Yoga as an adjunctive treatment for posttraumatic stress disorder: a randomized controlled trial. Journal of Clinical Psychiatry, 75(6), e559-e565. doi:10.4088/JCP.13m08561
    • Scheeringa, M. S. (2025, en ligne le 3 novembre; 2026). Evaluating evidence behind popular trauma narratives: neurobiological and treatment claims in The Body Keeps the Score. BJPsych Bulletin, 50(4), 345-347. doi:10.1192/bjb.2025.10174

  • Studied Somatic approaches (Somatic Experiencing, Peter Levine) · body-based trauma therapies, still little studied

    • Brom, D., Stokar, Y., Lawi, C., et al. (2017). Somatic Experiencing for posttraumatic stress disorder: a randomized controlled outcome study. Journal of Traumatic Stress, 30(3), 304-312. doi:10.1002/jts.22189
    • Kuhfuß, M., Maldei, T., Hetmanek, A., Baumann, N. (2021). Somatic experiencing: effectiveness and key factors of a body-oriented trauma therapy: a scoping literature review. European Journal of Psychotraumatology, 12(1), 1929023. doi:10.1080/20008198.2021.1929023

  • Studied Francine Shapiro · EMDR, a trauma therapy

    • Shapiro, F. (1989). Eye movement desensitization: a new treatment for post-traumatic stress disorder. Journal of Behavior Therapy and Experimental Psychiatry, 20(3), 211-217. doi:10.1016/0005-7916(89)90025-6
    • Shapiro, F. (2001). Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR): Basic Principles, Protocols, and Procedures (2e éd.). Guilford Press. ISBN 9781572306721
    • Lewis, C., Roberts, N. P., Andrew, M., Starling, E., Bisson, J. I. (2020). Psychological therapies for post-traumatic stress disorder in adults: systematic review and meta-analysis. European Journal of Psychotraumatology, 11(1), 1729633. doi:10.1080/20008198.2020.1729633
    • Bisson, J. I., Roberts, N. P., Andrew, M., Cooper, R., Lewis, C. (2013). Psychological therapies for chronic post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) in adults. Cochrane Database of Systematic Reviews, 2013(12), CD003388. doi:10.1002/14651858.CD003388.pub4
    • Cuijpers, P., van Veen, S. C., Sijbrandij, M., Yoder, W., Cristea, I. A. (2020). Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing for mental health problems: a systematic review and meta-analysis. Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, 49(3), 165-180. doi:10.1080/16506073.2019.1703801
    • Lee, C. W., Cuijpers, P. (2013). A meta-analysis of the contribution of eye movements in processing emotional memories. Journal of Behavior Therapy and Experimental Psychiatry, 44(2), 231-239. doi:10.1016/j.jbtep.2012.11.001

What research does not cover

No study cited tests a ritual of setting things down, or the reading of a self-help book, as an intervention. The forgiveness interventions studied are programmes led by professionals (Wade et al., 2014); their effectiveness depends on their length and format. Experimental studies of rumination mostly involve students in the laboratory, and the link with mental disorders is correlational (Aldao et al., 2010); concrete repetitive thinking can even be helpful (Watkins, 2008). For trauma, EMDR is recommended as a first-line treatment (Lewis et al., 2020), but Cuijpers et al. (2020) find only 4 studies out of 27 at low risk of bias. For somatic approaches, there is a first randomised trial of Somatic Experiencing (Brom et al., 2017, 63 participants, against a waiting list) and a scoping review of 16 studies of mixed quality. The central thesis of The Body Keeps the Score has been criticised (Scheeringa, 2025). Nothing demonstrates the combination specific to the book.

8. You’re allowed to love without approving of everything. Studied: Positive regard (Rogers), attachment (Bowlby), differentiation of self (Bowen), defusionResonances: Mutual-aid groups (Al-Anon), Don Miguel Ruiz Kalisme hypothesis

  • Studied Carl Rogers · unconditional positive regard

    • Rogers, C. R. (1957). The necessary and sufficient conditions of therapeutic personality change. Journal of Consulting Psychology, 21(2), 95-103. doi:10.1037/h0045357
    • Rogers, C. R. (1961, rééd. 1995). On Becoming a Person. Boston: Houghton Mifflin. ISBN 9780395755310
    • Farber, B. A., Suzuki, J. Y., & Lynch, D. A. (2018). Positive regard and psychotherapy outcome: A meta-analytic review. Psychotherapy, 55(4), 411-423. doi:10.1037/pst0000171
    • Haines, J. E., & Schutte, N. S. (2023). Parental conditional regard: A meta-analysis. Journal of Adolescence, 95(2), 195-223. doi:10.1002/jad.12111
    • Assor, A., Roth, G., & Deci, E. L. (2004). The emotional costs of parents’ conditional regard: A self-determination theory analysis. Journal of Personality, 72(1), 47-88. doi:10.1111/j.0022-3506.2004.00256.x
    • Roth, G., Assor, A., Niemiec, C. P., Ryan, R. M., & Deci, E. L. (2009). The emotional and academic consequences of parental conditional regard: Comparing conditional positive regard, conditional negative regard, and autonomy support as parenting practices. Developmental Psychology, 45(4), 1119-1142. doi:10.1037/a0015272

  • Studied John Bowlby · attachment theory

    • Bowlby, J. (1969, 2e éd. 1982). Attachment and Loss, vol. 1: Attachment. New York: Basic Books. ISBN 9780465005437
    • Verhage, M. L., Schuengel, C., Madigan, S., Fearon, R. M. P., Oosterman, M., Cassibba, R., Bakermans-Kranenburg, M. J., & van IJzendoorn, M. H. (2016). Narrowing the transmission gap: A synthesis of three decades of research on intergenerational transmission of attachment. Psychological Bulletin, 142(4), 337-366. doi:10.1037/bul0000038
    • Haines, J. E., & Schutte, N. S. (2023). Parental conditional regard: A meta-analysis. Journal of Adolescence, 95(2), 195-223. doi:10.1002/jad.12111

  • Studied Murray Bowen · differentiation of self

    • Bowen, M. (1978). Family Therapy in Clinical Practice. New York: Jason Aronson. ISBN 9780876683347
    • Miller, R. B., Anderson, S., & Keala, D. K. (2004). Is Bowen theory valid? A review of basic research. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 30(4), 453-466. doi:10.1111/j.1752-0606.2004.tb01255.x
    • Skowron, E. A., & Friedlander, M. L. (1998). The Differentiation of Self Inventory: Development and initial validation. Journal of Counseling Psychology, 45(3), 235-246. doi:10.1037/0022-0167.45.3.235

  • Resonance Mutual-aid groups (Al-Anon) · detachment with love

    No reference kept on this page: a classic text, or a document with neither DOI nor ISBN.

  • Resonance Don Miguel Ruiz · love and fear

    • Ruiz, D. M. (1999). La Maîtrise de l’amour. Paris: Jouvence (éd. originale: The Mastery of Love, San Rafael: Amber-Allen, 1999). ISBN 9782883531871

  • Studied Acceptance and commitment therapy · cognitive defusion

    • Hayes, S. C., Luoma, J. B., Bond, F. W., Masuda, A., & Lillis, J. (2006). Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: Model, processes and outcomes. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 44(1), 1-25. doi:10.1016/j.brat.2005.06.006
    • Levin, M. E., Hildebrandt, M. J., Lillis, J., & Hayes, S. C. (2012). The impact of treatment components suggested by the psychological flexibility model: A meta-analysis of laboratory-based component studies. Behavior Therapy, 43(4), 741-756. doi:10.1016/j.beth.2012.05.003
    • Öst, L.-G. (2014). The efficacy of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: An updated systematic review and meta-analysis. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 61, 105-121. doi:10.1016/j.brat.2014.07.018
    • Atkins, P. W. B., Ciarrochi, J., Gaudiano, B. A., Bricker, J. B., Donald, J., Rovner, G., Smout, M., Livheim, F., Lundgren, T., & Hayes, S. C. (2017). Departing from the essential features of a high quality systematic review of psychotherapy: A response to Öst (2014) and recommendations for improvement. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 97, 259-272. doi:10.1016/j.brat.2017.05.016
    • Öst, L.-G. (2017). Rebuttal of Atkins et al. (2017) critique of the Öst (2014) meta-analysis of ACT. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 97, 273-281. doi:10.1016/j.brat.2017.08.008
    • Gloster, A. T., Walder, N., Levin, M. E., Twohig, M. P., & Karekla, M. (2020). The empirical status of acceptance and commitment therapy: A review of meta-analyses. Journal of Contextual Behavioral Science, 18, 181-192. doi:10.1016/j.jcbs.2020.09.009

What research does not cover

Research on parental conditional regard mainly measures, by questionnaire and through correlations, what a child or adolescent experiences when given conditional love. It does not test the book’s approach, that of an adult who chooses to love someone close without approving of what they do. We do not know whether this separation improves the well-being of the one who loves, or the relationship. The positive regard measured in therapy is a therapist’s. Defusion is an exercise on thoughts, not on a person. Al-Anon’s detachment with love has no empirical basis of its own in the references used. No study covers the combination of these strands into a single practice.

9. You’re allowed to go first. Studied: Self-compassion programme (Neff and Germer), compassion fatigue Kalisme hypothesis

  • Studied Kristin Neff and Christopher Germer · the Mindful Self-Compassion programme

    • Neff, K. D., et Germer, C. K. (2013). A pilot study and randomized controlled trial of the Mindful Self-Compassion program. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 69(1), 28-44. doi:10.1002/jclp.21923
    • Neff, K. D., et Pommier, E. (2013). The relationship between self-compassion and other-focused concern among college undergraduates, community adults, and practicing meditators. Self and Identity, 12(2), 160-176. doi:10.1080/15298868.2011.649546
    • Welp, L. R., et Brown, C. M. (2014). Self-compassion, empathy, and helping intentions. The Journal of Positive Psychology, 9(1), 54-65. doi:10.1080/17439760.2013.831465
    • Ferrari, M., et al. (2019). Self-compassion interventions and psychosocial outcomes: a meta-analysis of RCTs. Mindfulness, 10, 1455-1473. doi:10.1007/s12671-019-01134-6
    • Kirby, J. N., Tellegen, C. L., et Steindl, S. R. (2017). A meta-analysis of compassion-based interventions: current state of knowledge and future directions. Behavior Therapy, 48(6), 778-792. doi:10.1016/j.beth.2017.06.003
    • Neff, K. D. (2003). Self-compassion: an alternative conceptualization of a healthy attitude toward oneself. Self and Identity, 2(2), 85-101. doi:10.1080/15298860309032

  • Studied Research on compassion fatigue · the wearing down of healthcare workers and carers

    • Cocker, F., et Joss, N. (2016). Compassion fatigue among healthcare, emergency and community service workers: a systematic review. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, 13(6), 618. doi:10.3390/ijerph13060618
    • Sinclair, S., Raffin-Bouchal, S., Venturato, L., Mijovic-Kondejewski, J., et Smith-MacDonald, L. (2017). Compassion fatigue: a meta-narrative review of the healthcare literature. International Journal of Nursing Studies, 69, 9-24. doi:10.1016/j.ijnurstu.2017.01.003
    • Lynch, S. H., Shuster, G., et Lobo, M. L. (2018). The family caregiver experience: examining the positive and negative aspects of compassion satisfaction and compassion fatigue as caregiving outcomes. Aging and Mental Health, 22(11), 1424-1431. doi:10.1080/13607863.2017.1364344
    • Day, J. R., et Anderson, R. A. (2011). Compassion fatigue: an application of the concept to informal caregivers of family members with dementia. Nursing Research and Practice, 2011, 408024. doi:10.1155/2011/408024
    • Duarte, J., Pinto-Gouveia, J., et Cruz, B. (2016). Relationships between nurses’ empathy, self-compassion and dimensions of professional quality of life: a cross-sectional study. International Journal of Nursing Studies, 60, 1-11. doi:10.1016/j.ijnurstu.2016.02.015
    • Neff, K. D., Knox, M. C., Long, P., et Gregory, K. (2020). Caring for others without losing yourself: an adaptation of the Mindful Self-Compassion Program for Healthcare Communities. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 76(9), 1543-1562. doi:10.1002/jclp.23007
    • Singer, T., et Klimecki, O. M. (2014). Empathy and compassion. Current Biology, 24(18), R875-R878. doi:10.1016/j.cub.2014.06.054

  • Kalisme hypothesis Kalisme · self-care as hygiene, not as a luxury: a position specific to the book

    No reference kept on this page: a classic text, or a document with neither DOI nor ISBN.

What research does not cover

No study cited shows that more self-care then increases the help actually given to others: the trial of the Mindful Self-Compassion programme measures compassion as reported by questionnaire, and other work measures intentions to help. None shows that someone who does not refill “ends up with nothing left to give, then collapses”; among family carers, the compassion fatigue measured is moderate and coexists with continued caregiving. One review disputes that the wearing down of healthcare workers comes from compassion itself (Sinclair et al.). The data linking self-compassion with less exhaustion among healthcare workers are cross-sectional or have no control group. The “hygiene, not luxury” framing is a position of the book, not a finding.

10. You’re allowed to not let fear decide. Studied: Acceptance and commitment therapy (Hayes)Resonances: Don Miguel Ruiz, Brené Brown Kalisme hypothesis

  • Studied Steven C. Hayes · acceptance and commitment therapy: acting on your values, with the fear

    • Hayes, S. C., Luoma, J. B., Bond, F. W., Masuda, A., Lillis, J. (2006). Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: Model, processes and outcomes. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 44(1), 1-25. doi:10.1016/j.brat.2005.06.006
    • Hayes, S. C., Strosahl, K. D., Wilson, K. G. (1999). Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: An Experiential Approach to Behavior Change. New York, Guilford Press. ISBN 9781572304819
    • Hayes, S. C., Strosahl, K. D., Wilson, K. G. (2012). Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: The Process and Practice of Mindful Change (2e éd.). New York, Guilford Press. ISBN 9781609189624
    • Hayes, S. C., Lillis, J. (2012). Acceptance and commitment therapy. Washington, American Psychological Association (série Theories of Psychotherapy). doi:10.1037/17335-000
    • A-Tjak, J. G. L., Davis, M. L., Morina, N., Powers, M. B., Smits, J. A. J., Emmelkamp, P. M. G. (2015). A meta-analysis of the efficacy of acceptance and commitment therapy for clinically relevant mental and physical health problems. Psychotherapy and Psychosomatics, 84(1), 30-36. doi:10.1159/000365764
    • Öst, L.-G. (2014). The efficacy of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: An updated systematic review and meta-analysis. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 61, 105-121. doi:10.1016/j.brat.2014.07.018
    • Gloster, A. T., Walder, N., Levin, M. E., Twohig, M. P., Karekla, M. (2020). The empirical status of acceptance and commitment therapy: A review of meta-analyses. Journal of Contextual Behavioral Science, 18, 181-192. doi:10.1016/j.jcbs.2020.09.009
    • Stockton, D., Kellett, S., Berrios, R., Sirois, F., Wilkinson, N., Miles, G. (2019). Identifying the Underlying Mechanisms of Change During Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT): A Systematic Review of Contemporary Mediation Studies. Behavioural and Cognitive Psychotherapy, 47(3), 332-362. doi:10.1017/S1352465818000553

  • Resonance Don Miguel Ruiz · the choice between love and fear

    • Ruiz, D. M. (1999). La Maîtrise de l’amour, Paris, Jouvence. Édition originale: The Mastery of Love: A Practical Guide to the Art of Relationship, San Rafael, Amber-Allen Publishing, 1999. ISBN 9781878424426

  • Resonance Brené Brown · vulnerability as a form of courage

    • Brown, B. (2006). Shame Resilience Theory: A Grounded Theory Study on Women and Shame. Families in Society: The Journal of Contemporary Social Services, 87(1), 43-52. doi:10.1606/1044-3894.3483
    • Brown, B. (2012). Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead. New York, Gotham Books. ISBN 9781592407330
    • Collins, N. L., Miller, L. C. (1994). Self-disclosure and liking: A meta-analytic review. Psychological Bulletin, 116(3), 457-475. doi:10.1037/0033-2909.116.3.457

What research does not cover

Research says nothing about the permission itself (“you’re allowed to not let fear decide”) as a principle for living or as a way of reading. Acceptance and commitment therapy is a psychological treatment tested on patients, as a whole: its effectiveness validates neither a book nor, in isolation, the effect of values or committed action, on which mediation studies remain few and of limited quality. No study tests the opposition between love and fear put forward by Ruiz, nor the idea that vulnerability is a strength in a causal sense. Brené Brown’s work rests on interviews and grounded theory, not on controlled trials. The effect of a reading on fear has never been measured.

11. You’re allowed to say no to what steals your peace. Studied: Mindfulness, emotion regulation, anger and actionInspirations: Epictetus, Marcus Aurelius Kalisme hypothesis

  • Inspiration Epictetus and Marcus Aurelius · telling apart what is up to us from what is not

    • Épictète, Discourses and Selected Writings, Penguin Classics, 2008 (le Manuel, § 1, porte la division entre ce qui dépend de nous et ce qui n’en dépend pas). ISBN 9780140449464
    • Marc Aurèle, Meditations, Penguin Classics, 2006 (notamment 6.41, 6.52, 8.47). ISBN 9780140449334

  • Studied Jon Kabat-Zinn (MBSR) · mindfulness meditation, silence included

    • Kabat-Zinn J., 1982, An outpatient program in behavioral medicine for chronic pain patients based on the practice of mindfulness meditation: theoretical considerations and preliminary results, General Hospital Psychiatry 4(1):33-47. doi:10.1016/0163-8343(82)90026-3
    • Kabat-Zinn J., Full Catastrophe Living, édition révisée, Bantam Books, 2013 (première édition Delacorte, 1990). ISBN 9780345536938
    • Goyal M. et al., 2014, Meditation programs for psychological stress and well-being: a systematic review and meta-analysis, JAMA Internal Medicine 174(3):357-368. doi:10.1001/jamainternmed.2013.13018
    • Khoury B. et al., 2013, Mindfulness-based therapy: a comprehensive meta-analysis, Clinical Psychology Review 33(6):763-771. doi:10.1016/j.cpr.2013.05.005
    • Goldberg S.B., Riordan K.M., Sun S., Davidson R.J., 2022, The empirical status of mindfulness-based interventions: a systematic review of 44 meta-analyses of randomized controlled trials, Perspectives on Psychological Science 17(1):108-130. doi:10.1177/1745691620968771
    • Van Dam N.T. et al., 2018, Mind the hype: a critical evaluation and prescriptive agenda for research on mindfulness and meditation, Perspectives on Psychological Science 13(1):36-61. doi:10.1177/1745691617709589
    • Britton W.B., Lindahl J.R., Cooper D.J., Canby N.K., Palitsky R., 2021, Defining and measuring meditation-related adverse effects in mindfulness-based programs, Clinical Psychological Science 9(6):1185-1204. doi:10.1177/2167702621996340

  • Studied Research on emotion regulation (Gross, Webb, Bushman, and others) · suppressing or venting anger

    • Bushman B.J., 2002, Does venting anger feed or extinguish the flame? Catharsis, rumination, distraction, anger, and aggressive responding, Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin 28(6):724-731. doi:10.1177/0146167202289002
    • Kjærvik S.L., Bushman B.J., 2024, A meta-analytic review of anger management activities that increase or decrease arousal: what fuels or douses rage?, Clinical Psychology Review 109:102414. doi:10.1016/j.cpr.2024.102414
    • Gross J.J., John O.P., 2003, Individual differences in two emotion regulation processes: implications for affect, relationships, and well-being, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 85(2):348-362. doi:10.1037/0022-3514.85.2.348
    • Gross J.J., 2002, Emotion regulation: affective, cognitive, and social consequences, Psychophysiology 39(3):281-291. doi:10.1017/S0048577201393198
    • Webb T.L., Miles E., Sheeran P., 2012, Dealing with feeling: a meta-analysis of the effectiveness of strategies derived from the process model of emotion regulation, Psychological Bulletin 138(4):775-808. doi:10.1037/a0027600

  • Studied Research on anger and action (Carver and Harmon-Jones, van Zomeren, and others) · anger as a drive towards action

    • Carver C.S., Harmon-Jones E., 2009, Anger is an approach-related affect: evidence and implications, Psychological Bulletin 135(2):183-204. doi:10.1037/a0013965
    • van Zomeren M., Postmes T., Spears R., 2008, Toward an integrative social identity model of collective action: a quantitative research synthesis of three socio-psychological perspectives, Psychological Bulletin 134(4):504-535. doi:10.1037/0033-2909.134.4.504
    • Reifen Tagar M., Federico C.M., Halperin E., 2011, The positive effect of negative emotions in protracted conflict: the case of anger, Journal of Experimental Social Psychology 47(1):157-164. doi:10.1016/j.jesp.2010.09.011
    • Del Vecchio T., O’Leary K.D., 2004, Effectiveness of anger treatments for specific anger problems: a meta-analytic review, Clinical Psychology Review 24(1):15-34. doi:10.1016/j.cpr.2003.09.006
    • Kjærvik S.L., Bushman B.J., 2024, A meta-analytic review of anger management activities that increase or decrease arousal: what fuels or douses rage?, Clinical Psychology Review 109:102414. doi:10.1016/j.cpr.2024.102414

What research does not cover

No verified study looks at refusing, or setting a boundary, to preserve your inner peace. The MBSR programme includes a day of silence, but no verified trial isolates the effect of silence: the results concern the programme as a whole. “Right anger”, which defends a dignity without burning the one who carries it, is a category of the book, not a measured variable. The data on suppression are mixed: in the laboratory, holding back the expression of an emotion dampens it a little (a small to medium effect, across all measures), whereas trying not to feel it does not; and habitual use of suppression goes with lower well-being. Finally, that anger “turned into action” builds something is not demonstrated: research shows that anger drives people to act, notably together, not that this action benefits the one who carries it; and physical activities that increase arousal do not reduce anger.

12. You’re allowed to try with no guarantees. Studied: Growth mindset (Dweck), regret (Gilovich), graded exposure Kalisme hypothesis

  • Studied Carol Dweck · growth mindset

    • Dweck, C. S. et Leggett, E. L. (1988). A social-cognitive approach to motivation and personality. Psychological Review, 95(2), 256-273. doi:10.1037/0033-295X.95.2.256
    • Dweck, C. S. (2006). Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. Random House. ISBN 9781400062751
    • Burgoyne, A. P., Hambrick, D. Z. et Macnamara, B. N. (2020). How firm are the foundations of mind-set theory? The claims appear stronger than the evidence. Psychological Science, 31(3), 258-267. doi:10.1177/0956797619897588
    • Sisk, V. F., Burgoyne, A. P., Sun, J., Butler, J. L. et Macnamara, B. N. (2018). To what extent and under which circumstances are growth mind-sets important to academic achievement? Two meta-analyses. Psychological Science, 29(4), 549-571. doi:10.1177/0956797617739704
    • Macnamara, B. N. et Burgoyne, A. P. (2023). Do growth mindset interventions impact students’ academic achievement? A systematic review and meta-analysis with recommendations for best practices. Psychological Bulletin, 149(3-4), 133-173. doi:10.1037/bul0000352
    • Burnette, J. L., Billingsley, J., Banks, G. C., Knouse, L. E., Hoyt, C. L., Pollack, J. M. et Simon, S. (2023). A systematic review and meta-analysis of growth mindset interventions: For whom, how, and why might such interventions work? Psychological Bulletin, 149(3-4), 174-205. doi:10.1037/bul0000368
    • Yeager, D. S., Hanselman, P., Walton, G. M. et al. (2019). A national experiment reveals where a growth mindset improves achievement. Nature, 573, 364-369. doi:10.1038/s41586-019-1466-y

  • Studied Thomas Gilovich and Victoria Medvec · regrets of action and regrets of inaction

    • Gilovich, T. et Medvec, V. H. (1995). The experience of regret: What, when, and why. Psychological Review, 102(2), 379-395. doi:10.1037/0033-295X.102.2.379
    • Gilovich, T. et Medvec, V. H. (1994). The temporal pattern to the experience of regret. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 67(3), 357-365. doi:10.1037/0022-3514.67.3.357
    • Yeung, S. K. et Feldman, G. (2022). Revisiting the temporal pattern of regret in action versus inaction: Replication of Gilovich and Medvec (1994) with extensions examining responsibility. Collabra: Psychology, 8(1). doi:10.1525/collabra.37122
    • Feldman, J., Miyamoto, J. et Loftus, E. F. (1999). Are actions regretted more than inactions? Organizational Behavior and Human Decision Processes, 78(3), 232-255. doi:10.1006/obhd.1999.2833
    • Roese, N. J. et Summerville, A. (2005). What we regret most... and why. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 31(9), 1273-1285. doi:10.1177/0146167205274693
    • Davidai, S. et Gilovich, T. (2018). The ideal road not taken: The self-discrepancies involved in people’s most enduring regrets. Emotion, 18(3), 439-452. doi:10.1037/emo0000326

  • Studied Graded exposure · cognitive behavioural therapies for anxiety

    • Foa, E. B. et Kozak, M. J. (1986). Emotional processing of fear: Exposure to corrective information. Psychological Bulletin, 99(1), 20-35. doi:10.1037/0033-2909.99.1.20
    • Carpenter, J. K., Andrews, L. A., Witcraft, S. M., Powers, M. B., Smits, J. A. J. et Hofmann, S. G. (2018). Cognitive behavioral therapy for anxiety and related disorders: A meta-analysis of randomized placebo-controlled trials. Depression and Anxiety, 35(6), 502-514. doi:10.1002/da.22728
    • Craske, M. G., Treanor, M., Conway, C. C., Zbozinek, T. et Vervliet, B. (2014). Maximizing exposure therapy: An inhibitory learning approach. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 58, 10-23. doi:10.1016/j.brat.2014.04.006
    • Wolitzky-Taylor, K. B., Horowitz, J. D., Powers, M. B. et Telch, M. J. (2008). Psychological approaches in the treatment of specific phobias: A meta-analysis. Clinical Psychology Review, 28(6), 1021-1037. doi:10.1016/j.cpr.2008.02.007

What research does not cover

No study cited tests whether redefining failure as information, or a little everyday courage, increases boldness or reduces regret in adults without a disorder. Exposure is validated for anxiety disorders treated in therapy, not as an everyday exercise. Meta-analyses on growth mindset mainly measure academic achievement, not risk-taking, and the direct test of the theory’s premises finds them weak. The data on regret rely largely on memories and scenarios, and the biggest regrets follow perceived opportunity.

13. You’re allowed to start today. Studied: Loneliness and social connection (Holt-Lunstad)Inspirations: Herbert Simon, the Stoics, contemplative traditionsResonances: Eckhart Tolle Kalisme hypothesis

  • Inspiration Herbert A. Simon · the scarcity of attention

    No reference kept on this page: a classic text, or a document with neither DOI nor ISBN.

  • Studied Research on loneliness and social connection (Holt-Lunstad, Wang, and others) · isolation, loneliness and mortality risk

    • Holt-Lunstad J., Smith T. B., Layton J. B., 2010, “Social relationships and mortality risk: a meta-analytic review”, PLoS Medicine 7(7):e1000316. doi:10.1371/journal.pmed.1000316
    • Holt-Lunstad J., Smith T. B., Baker M., Harris T., Stephenson D., 2015, “Loneliness and social isolation as risk factors for mortality: a meta-analytic review”, Perspectives on Psychological Science 10(2):227 à 237. doi:10.1177/1745691614568352
    • Wang F., Gao Y., Han Z. et al., 2023, “A systematic review and meta-analysis of 90 cohort studies of social isolation, loneliness and mortality”, Nature Human Behaviour 7(8):1307 à 1319. doi:10.1038/s41562-023-01617-6
    • Rico-Uribe L. A., Caballero F. F., Martín-María N., Cabello M., Ayuso-Mateos J. L., Miret M., 2018, “Association of loneliness with all-cause mortality: a meta-analysis”, PLoS ONE 13(1):e0190033. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0190033
    • Steptoe A., Shankar A., Demakakos P., Wardle J., 2013, “Social isolation, loneliness, and all-cause mortality in older men and women”, PNAS 110(15):5797 à 5801. doi:10.1073/pnas.1219686110
    • Masi C. M., Chen H. Y., Hawkley L. C., Cacioppo J. T., 2011, “A meta-analysis of interventions to reduce loneliness”, Personality and Social Psychology Review 15(3):219 à 266. doi:10.1177/1088868310377394

  • Resonance Eckhart Tolle · presence in the present moment

    • Tolle E., The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment, Vancouver et Novato, Namaste Publishing et New World Library, édition de 2004 (première publication 1997). ISBN 9781577314806

  • Inspiration The Stoics and contemplative traditions · knowing yourself to be part of a larger whole

    • Marc Aurèle, Meditations (Pensées pour moi-même), trad. G. Hays, New York, Modern Library, 2003. ISBN 9780812968255
    • Piff P. K., Dietze P., Feinberg M., Stancato D. M., Keltner D., 2015, “Awe, the small self, and prosocial behavior”, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 108(6):883 à 899. doi:10.1037/pspi0000018
    • Yaden D. B., Haidt J., Hood R. W., Vago D. R., Newberg A. B., 2017, “The varieties of self-transcendent experience”, Review of General Psychology 21(2):143 à 160. doi:10.1037/gpr0000102

What research does not cover

The studies read concern the association between isolation or loneliness and mortality; they do not show that choosing connection over withdrawal reduces this risk, and randomised trials of interventions against loneliness yield weaker effects than non-randomised studies. Nothing that was read tests taking back control of where you look, offering presence to those close to you, a deliberately cultivated decentring, or the sequence of these elements. Research on implementation intentions and habit formation, the closest to “starting today”, has not yet been examined here.

210 distinct references (246 mentions, as some studies serve several permissions), all checked against their DOI or ISBN. Classic texts and online documents that have neither are not listed here.

How Kalisme builds its content

  1. Choose

    Approaches that have published reviews.

  2. Check

    Every reference checked against its DOI or ISBN, counterpoints included.

  3. Translate

    The 15 languages say the same thing, with the same limits.

  4. State the limits

    What research does not say is written down.

Kalisme does not turn a scientific publication into proof that Kalisme works.

When a sentence in our books credits research with a confirmation it does not provide, we correct it. In October 2026, nine passages in eight books were reworded in all 15 languages; they will appear with the next version of the app.

Kalisme has not yet been evaluated. The pilots test adoption and perceived usefulness, not effect. Their protocol, written before the first measurement, is published on the Pro page.

Kalisme and prevention at work

The World Health Organization’s guidelines on mental health at work (2022) suggest considering individual interventions, with low certainty, and never as a complete response. The joint policy brief of the WHO and the International Labour Organization places prevention on the side of how work is organised, through the management of psychosocial risks.

Universally delivered psychosocial interventions that aim to build workers’ skills in stress management […] may be considered for workers to promote positive mental health, reduce emotional distress and improve work effectiveness.

Recommendation 8A: “conditional recommendation, low-certainty of evidence”.The omitted passage gives, as examples, interventions based on mindfulness or on cognitive behavioural approaches.WHO, WHO guidelines on mental health at work, 2022, recommendation 8A.

These interventions form one part of self-care or self-management options, but alone they would not constitute comprehensive delivery.

WHO, same document, considerations accompanying recommendations 8A and 8B.

WHO guidelines recommend that organizational interventions are used as a means of preventive measures that can be universally implemented within the workplace.

WHO and ILO, Mental health at work: policy brief, 2022.

Kalisme is an individual, voluntary layer. It does not replace the prevention of psychosocial risks, management, or the organisation of work.

Sources

  • World Health Organization (2022). WHO guidelines on mental health at work. Geneva: WHO. ISBN 978-92-4-005305-2
  • World Health Organization and International Labour Organization (2022). Mental health at work: policy brief. Geneva: WHO and ILO. ISBN 978-92-4-005794-4

Going further

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